menu" that costs 50% more than usual for the same awful food, people blow tons of money on roses, cutesy knicknacks that would give you diabetes if you looked at them for over 30 minutes straight, the former prime minister was blown up 7 years ago today, and the weather is typically at its dreariest in February.
But what better way to liven up today than with some Chinese food? I'll not get into the history of Chinese cuisine because I don't want to spend the next 15 minutes poking about on google, but suffice to say that this is not what one might call "authentic." Though one could easily acquire bits and pieces from our foreign supermarkets to remedy this, to buy them I'd have to sell one of my kidneys or Eli, so I'm going to keep with the traditional American style of adding things that I have handy.
Fortunately, if you have the essential items, you can sex it up with any number of exciting ingredients that you fortunate many can buy in the U.S. like they're toilet paper. I must admit that this is also a bitter note since the toilet paper here is merely recycled sandpaper.
Ingredients:
1 pound of chicken breast (which cuts better than thighs)
1/2 pound of Chinese egg noodles (use good ones, spaghetti makes your meal taste like you're at the food court in the mall)
1 onion
1 red bell pepper chopped in pretty strips
1 1/2 cups of shredded cabbage
1 cup carrot chopped thinly
a good amount of corn starch
3 tbsp canola oil
Goodies to consider: mushrooms, little corns, bamboo shoots, water chestnuts, etc.
For the Sauce
2 tbsp oil
2 tablespoons minced garlic
2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
3/4 cup light soy sauce
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup sugar
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp sweet pepper sauce
This is a three parter. Don't let this throw you, just do your prep work before you put anything on the stove and you'll be fine. Chop up the veggies and throw them into a bowl. I like to cut off the top and bottom of the onion then slice it into long thin strips for the aesthetic value, but do whatever gets you off. Mince the garlic and ginger and put them aside. In fact, the only thing to hold off on is the chicken, which you should slice up after the sauce is going to keep from contaminating anything with salmonella - unless diarrhea and vomiting is your kink, food poisoning is not a good way to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Part 1: Noodles (the easy part)
Boil water, add noodles. When they're no longer hard in the middle (but not too soft), remove and throw into a colander. Reserve. If you fail at that, may God strike you from the Earth.
Part 2: Sauce
While the noodles are going, heat the oil and then toss in the garlic and ginger. After about a minute, pour in the remainder of the items, turn down the heat and let it all simmer for about 10 minutes to thicken, then turn off the heat and let it sit for a bit.
Part 3: The green stuff and meat
The veggies should have been cut up by now. For shame.
Once the sauce is going and you feel assured that you're not going to burn it to the sides of your pan, turn your attention to the chicken. You can freeze it a bit to make cutting easier, but it's no problem either way. Cut it at a 45 degree angle to the grain, which will make it taste and look nice and soak up sauce wonderfully. Put about 1/2 cup of corn starch in a bowl and add chicken chunks to it until they're coated, which will help thicken your sauce when you get it going.
Heat the oil in a large, deep pan and chuck in the starched up chicken, resisting the urge to idly turn it over too much until it's cooked through. Once it's done, add the rest of the starch, the vegetables, and the sauce. Stir this around for about 2 minutes, scraping the bits that have adhered to the bottom of the pan, then add the noodles and stir to coat. After about 30 seconds, turn off the heat and you're ready to serve! It's best if the vegetables haven't been cooked to oblivion.
I recommend drinking heavily during this process to enhance the romance.
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